The Pinocchio Syndrome: Why My Love Life Is Doomed

    As a female, I can honestly say that women are attracted to certain type of guy based on their particular preference.  Some enjoy the company of the beefcakey man that can squish the smaller guys with their thumb.  Some like the submissive guy that they can just beat the hell out of with their rolling pin for leaving their Heineken on the coffee table without a coaster.
     Then there are those of us who have been cursed with a type that really is a kick in the lady business.  Sometimes it is girls who are attracted to only the bad boys.  And by bad boys, I mean the ones that are in and out of jail every year for some stupid crime.  My cursed type is apparently liars and I have called this awful disease of attracting them, Pinocchio Syndrome.

Thankfully none of my Pinocchios had a boner as a nose.

      Symptoms of the Pinocchio Syndrome are easy to pinpoint.  If you have dated three or more liars consecutively since you began dating and just can't escape them, you have it.  It happens to a lot more women than we would like to think.  Although it is probably better to be lied to about whether or not your boyfriend gave your dad your laptop and told him it was his (true story), than date a crazed psychopath like Charlie Sheen.

Losing!!!

      A little white lie here and there that is innocent enough to the point where when you find out the truth, you won't be pissed is one thing.  For example, your man says he took out the garbage three hours ago but when you see he didn't his excuse was that he got tied up watching the game.  He was really watching Skinamax and playing with himself, just to let you know.  

       Detection can be very difficult.  If the man has the perfect amount of swagger and you are just naive enough to fall for his bullshit games, it is very easy to be fooled.  I am that naive girl.   I will believe everything and anything until I catch you lying to me once.  Which is a lot better than what I used to be.  I spent three years with a Pinocchio and almost married him because I just kept letting it brush off my shoulder.  Now you get three strike outs with me.  If you fess up to lying to me, then you will be saved but if I catch you lie to me three times over something major, you'll be lucky if I don't use your balls as an example trophy. 

It will be kinda like this, only not pixelized for viewer's protection.

         It really isn't that hard to tell the truth, men I promise.  Stop lying to women, because women are crazy and before you know it, you're junk will end up like the above pictures.  Most women are very low maintenance in ground rules.  Definitely don't cheat on them, and just be honest.  

      I tell you, my awesome fanbase, if I keep attracting these douchebags and they don't change I may just give up all together.  I have enough conceited confidence in myself to know that I can snag a guy.  But I want to find the right guy.  Life is too short to waste time on assholes.  

     But this particular article was to moreso prove a point than entertain.  But an actual normal article will be up tomorrow night.  And remember ladies, Pinocchio Syndrome is treatable regardless of how undetectable it is in the beginning.  You don't wanna end up with this cake after marrying a Pinocchio.

"Last one standing gets the Megamillions"

T.