Unfortunately for us, we are living in a time when gas prices are so astronomical, that selling our own blood on the black market is how some of us are able to get from Point A to Point B. I see it every day because until this blog takes off and I become Oprah rich, I will be standing behind the counter of the local Shell station making my bones. I wish I could say that it is an ordinary gig, but I truly see things I never would have expected working for a gas station. Maybe it's because I live in a poedunk town in east bumfuck Vermont, but I have seen stuff in this last year working for a gas station that I didn't even think happened in real life. It's the kind of stuff that will destroy your sanity if you stare at it for two long. Such as:
#5: Customers That You Wish You Had Never Met, But Will Unfortunately Never Forget
In any form of retail, you come face to face with what will probably be the most miserable batches of people you'll ever meet in your life. There is always the mother that is trying to buy whatever she needs, while her misbehaving children are running around the stores knocking everything over while she dilly-dallies without even turning around to notice. Until she finally realizes her children are tearing apart whatever establishment she may be in, and then she screams at them and you are faced to deal with the awkward aftermath of what is probably just a prelude to the ass beating that kid will get the minute they walk out the store. Because some parents are douchebags like that.
"I told you not to touch the Skittles, Davey! That will be
40 Licks."
Then you have the drunks who stumble out of the bar at 2am looking for coffee and chocolate to curb their appetite before they go home with some random person for a night of drunken coitus and potentially contracting the Blue Waffle Disease. I wish I could say that I wasn't standing behind the counter as I watched people come up to it making out, getting their vodka based saliva all over each other. It's times like those where the last thing I wanna do at the end of the day is either participate in adult friendly games, or drink at all because the site of a drunk couple about to shmoosh kills the mood for like a week. So, if you could not molest each other at the counter, that would be great.
Some things should be left behind closed doors
#4: How Reading Signs is Too Difficult, Yet It Is Always Your Fault
This just happened to me today actually. We ran out of gas. Yes, gas stations are likely to run out of gas from time to time. It really isn't that big of a deal, as long as you live in a town with more than one gas station, which in Vermont that is very seldom. Luckily for the area I live in, there are umteen other stations that you can fill up at.
As I was hanging the "V-Power Only" (because we were out of unleaded), on every pump, I had numerous people asking me if all the pumps were out of gas. It was one of those times when I wish my wit got the best of me, or I could be a bitch because it's when people ask stupid questions like that that I just wanna pimp slap them. No, just every pump you want to use is out of gas because they don't like your kind with your Prius with it's ironic vanity license plate.
At least Disney got one thing right...
Or when we need to bolt one door shut and there is a sign on the door that says Please Use Other Door, and they try valiantly to open said door for 10 seconds before noticing that there is a sign. Yeah, good job people. And you wonder why I'm standing there laughing at you.
I've seen this happen too.
# 3: Everything is Always Your Fault, Even When You Don't Know What You're Being Yelled At For...
It is not my fault that cigarettes are $9.54 a pack at my work. As a smoker myself, I even think that that price is bullshit. Can I help it? No. It is because I am just a peon. I do not make the prices. I just sell the goods. Cashier is my title. Can't help you. Sorry.
Now, unfortunately I cannot say that to people when they get into my face because a pack of smokes costs as much as a top shelf shot of liquor. So when people start yelling at me for it, I have to contain a composure that keeps me from climbing over the counter and smacking the bejesus out of them.
Because this facial expression will get me nowhere...
Or when we run out of gas, like today, and it is your fault because you are the only person they can blame it on. Shit happens. There are some things that cannot be controlled. How quickly we go through gas is one of them. Today was an exception because we were a few cents cheaper than across the street which is our biggest competitor. But yelling at the cashier because the store is out of gas (something they have NO control over fyi) gets you nowhere.
#2: People Who Drive Off Without Paying
Very few gas stations nowadays do not require you to prepay before getting gas and it's because of situations like this. Prepaying for gas eliminates the risk of some tool coming and pumping $70 worth of gas then driving away. My personal opinion is that if the store will not have a prepay policy, there should be a camera system set up to monitor the pumps because when only one person is on duty, you can't keep tabs on everyone. Then you get written up for when people drive off.
Seriously, I understand that prices of gas are becoming atrocious. But just put in only $5 if that's all you have. The costs of legal crap you will have to pay out when you get arrested for stealing gasoline is about 15 times more than what you would have paid to fill your tank on empty. Is it really worth the risk? Or just take the economical route and bicycle everywhere.
He knows what's up.
Nobody is honest in this society anymore. It is very rare that you will find someone who will come back and say, "Hey, I'm sorry I got distracted talking to that person and I forgot to come in and pay you for gas. Here's my $35.01" I give a huge applause and express my gratitude to people like that because they just completely went out of their way to fess up to an honest mistake. Bravo good Samaritan!
#1: The Gross People
A few times a week, the local homeless people (or they are just sick, I'm not sure) will come to the store and will dig through the ashtrays for cigarette butts that others have left behind that haven't fully be smoked. Every time I see them dig for a Marlboro that I smoked a week ago and through into the ashtray, I want to vomit. The smell of a cigarette relit is enough for me to gag, let alone the thought of smoking a cigarette left by someone who could be carrying AIDS or mouth herpes.
But then there are the female customers that come in and will be wearing clothing that makes you wonder what time dimension they woke up in thinking they looked hot going out of the house. Like this:
This should be illegal...
Or there are people who come in and buy beer and will sneak them into the back parking lot or even the bathroom and chug a beer before heading back to work. I mean, one day I went into our bathroom and there were 24 oz cans of Twisted Tea all up in in the ceiling tiles. Curb your alcoholism people.
Speaking of bathroom, please think twice before you defecate in a gas station bathroom. Would you leave your smelly poo just chilling in your toilet bowl at your house? No, at least I would like to hope not. There is nothing worse about working at a gas station as a cashier as walking into the only bathroom which is unisex to find a massive pile of dookie just floating in the toilet. Clean up your shit. It's not that hard and it's just polite.
A clean toilet is a happy toilet
Yes, it does take all kinds to make this lovely little world go round. I'm not planning to be a gas station attendant forever as stated previously. But I am always full of interesting stories when it comes to that place. Although I don't think that any night will be completely epic until I come across this scenario one night.
Would you like fries with that?
T.
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