It never fails. City people just do not understand simple living in the country. As someone who grew up in a town with roughly 1,000 people I grew up seeing the world completely different than someone who grew up in a metropolitan area. I wish I had a nickle for every time someone referenced how small my hometown is. Usually it goes along the lines of, "Tor, you're town has like six people in it!" And whenever I hear that kind of jab, I want to punch people in the nose. There are perks to growing up or living in Small Town, Vermont. And there are things about living in Small Town, Vermont that would make city people want to kill themselves. Such as...
# 3: Everyone Knows Everybody, Their Mother, and Their Dirty Little Secrets
For all my readers who are also from my hometown, you will be able to relate that living here everyone knew your business. You can't take a shit in Small Town, Vermont without the entire town knowing about it. No one can get away with having affairs for a long period of time because eventually it will circulate through the town. So to all you politicians and business executives that use the company credit card to hook up with your mistresses and high class Heidi Fleiss prostitutes, Vermont is not the place to engage in extracurricular activities of coitus. Hell, the cows will even talk about it.
"OMG! Did you hear Old McDonald is sleeping with
Little Bo Peep?"
The benefit of living in a city is there is plenty of places to hide from the dark corners that are surrounded in your life. In Small Town, Vermont, you can't. Now, this has it perks and its downsides. The perks are that who you really are gets picked up on right away because townsfolk can spot a fraud a mile away. The downside is, if you fuck up in your life just once whether it be getting arrested for a DUI or wetting your pants from laughing to hard at that one redneck joke, everybody-and I do mean EVERYBODY will know about it. And no...they will not forget it. Even when you are about to pass onto the afterlife, the others in the old age home will still be talking about it...fifty freakin years later.
"We'll see who's laughing about that one time at band camp
eighty years ago now...."
I know everyone that comes into my store on a first name basis. For professional purposes, it is amazing because building a relationship with your clientele is very important. But the gossip that comes with it is sometimes unbearable. With Small Town, Vermont, a gossip topic doesn't go away right away either. Usually it takes another bigger, and juicier scandal to wipe the other one off the map. Unfortunately that doesn't happen as quickly as it would in a city. Distractions are hard to come by when you live in Small Town, Vermont.
So, to sum up, you can't get away with cheating on your spouse here without the entire town knowing about it. You cannot live down something you did skatey-eight years ago and you hear so much talk for a very long time until something better comes along...if it does.
#2: There is Absolutely, Positively, Generally Nothing to Do Within Walking Distance of Your Place of Residence
The house I grew up in is a fifteen minute drive from grocery stores, Walmart, K-Mart, etc. If you want to go to the bar, you better damn well find a generous enough designated driver who is willing to drive your ass those fifteen minutes back to your house if you don't live directly in Mini City, Vermont. We have one movie theater that only has seven screens, and old school seating that is NOT comfortable at all. We have the smallest Walmart in the United States. Not just in Vermont, but in the whole goddamned country. We just recently upgraded and got a PetCo. We're really moving up in the world and I think our pets are happy.
Heeeyyyyyy
I wish I did live in Mini City, Vermont. Then I could go bar hopping and not have to worry about paying $35 to the Mini City, Vermont taxi service to ensure I get home without killing myself or a deer. City people have trains and can walk everywhere. It would be one hell of a huff it if you had to huff it back home after a night of fun in the downtown district. I mean, we have a bus and yes it really does look like this:
Eeewww
We do have festivals and stuff to do, but mostly they are seasonal. There isn't a solid thing going on all year round to keep us entertained. If you don't hunt, fish, or partake in out door activities, then you really shouldn't look to occupy your time here because that's really all we have. Except for mudding. City people, in case you don't know what mudding is, it's when you drive your trucks through the mud. Thus, your vehicle goes from looking like this:
TO THIS:
Oooooofya
Now I'm the worst backwoods Vermonter ever, because I have never been mudding. It looks like fun though. I hear that it is fun. But again, you have to drive and drive and drive to find good spots to do it in. Generally, the best destinations are always an hour away. I think that's a rule or something.
Without the endless possibilities being within walking distance, city people would go absolutely batshit because they would have to drive to have fun. It drove me crazy when I moved back from living out by Boston. I feel the pain, but at the same time, it keeps overpopulation away. It's bad enough we have leaf peepers three months out of the year.
#1: There Are More Animals Than There Are Humans and They Will Kill You...
Woodland creatures are not the cute little laundry doing friends Snow White had. They can and will kill you. Like this video above. That was a hunter. Apparently, Bambi was seeking revenge. Regardless, deer kill people. A lot of times it is when they run out in front of your car in the wee hours of the morning. I know, because I almost hit one every night on my way home from work. Replace this deer with a bear or a moose or any other creature and you will still die because they are animals. With most of Vermont being wooded areas, they are EVERYWHERE!!
City people on the other hand just have to worry about cougars:
Cougars in couture and turning pop culture upside down that is.
I would love to move back to a city at some point, but part of the reason why I love Small Town, Vermont is that I don't have to worry about looking over my shoulder every minute worrying about getting mugged. The homicide rate here is extremely low and with everyone knowing everyone it is a good place to be. Yeah, it kinda sucks that I have to drive an hour to get to the nearest mall, but living a simple life without flashy neon signs in my window at night isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's not for everyone, and I know plenty of people born and raised in cities who wouldn't last a day in Vermont. But not everyone can be Vermont Strong!
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