3 Shows that Didn't Answer Questions Within the Plotlines

    There is one thing in life that I can be confident about:  That is that eventually all these years of paying attention to pop culture will actually pay off.  Thankfully, writing this column is the stepping stone for that because it gives me the inspiration to write about one industry that I know best: Hollywood.  

     While watching random stuff on my Netflix account the other day, I realized that television shows are NOTORIOUS for plot holes.  I am one of those annoying people that cannot stand when things aren't explained, and even worse I over think things causing me to raise questions that no one else will think of.  That is the curse of having a passion for popular culture.  

     So while I sit here thinking about all the numerous plot holes in television I was able to come up with a few that really were head scratchers to me.  This is the big beefy stew I have concocted in my brain pertaining to such:

Did Joyce "Come Back Wrong" on Buffy The Vampire Slayer?

     

   In the fifth season of the mega cult hit, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy's mom Joyce was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  The declining health of Joyce definitely created a tone more serious to the Buffy universe.  Joyce's character was always known as the compassionate, yet naive mother who always had her daughters' best interest at heart.  Despite the fact that her daughter's night job was killing the mythological creatures that Stephanie Meyer bastardized with Twilight.  

    Three quarters of the way through the season, Buffy comes home to find her mother sprawled out on the couch with her eyes wide open and completely lifeless.  Apparently show creator, Joss Whedon had decided that it was time for Joyce to get the ax but decided to not have her be killed by demons.  Just a brain aneurysm. 

 Poor Joyce

    In the following episode, the entire cast is trying to cope with Joyce's death and some are handling it far worse than others.  Joyce's younger daughter, Dawn (who used to be a key mind you) decides to do something completely stupid even after her friends tell her it's a bad idea and that was to resurrect her mother from the grave she had just buried her in.   

    Quick little backstory:  Dawn is that whiny, bitchy, almost legally retarded teenager that no one wants their kid to grow into.

It's like Pippy Longstocking...except you want her to die...slowly

   Long story short, Dawn performs the spell after being told that her mother could come back from the dead, "wrong".  Now what exactly this means is however you want it to mean I guess.  But considering we never really find out what clawed its way out of Joyce's casket we can only assume that something wasn't right based on the cinematography of the episode in the final five minutes. 

   We never see "Mombie" (as a brilliant fan writer referred to the being on the internet).  All we see is a pair of lady's shoes and the bottom hem of a dress walking on a patch of grass.  Then we see an eerie (and oddly terrifying) shadow pass by the drawn curtains as Buffy and Dawn are fighting about stuff.  One topic is how stupid and whiny Dawn is. 

This scene made me terrified of shadows....just saying

    WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED:

  

   Considering Mombie's face and actual form are never shown and all we get is a pair of feet, a shadow and some cliche "the boogeyman's coming" horror music when both are shown, I think it is safe to say that she came back wrong.  I realize that what Dawn rose from the dead wasn't the point of the episode but like I said in the intro, I over think things.  

    Joyce probably rose from the dead with a hunched over body like a usual zombie.  Her face was probably sporting an evil grimace and she probably ate a few people as she staggered home from the cemetery.  Even looking at the shadow in the above picture it looks like whatever it is has a hunched back.  

     If Buffy had answered the door and Dawn hadn't broken the spell at the last minute she would have had to re kill her mother.  That would have ruined the heartbreaking ending of Buffy answering the door to find Mombie was gone and allowing her to accept her mother's death.  But the big thing is, even though the way it was shot freaked me the fuck out, I still wonder what Mombie would have looked like.  Probably like this:

Aaaaahhhhhhh kill Joyce! Kill Joyce!!

Did Tony Die at the End of The Sopranos?

   This will forever be one of the biggest questions filed under Unresolved Television Plots.   The Sopranos went out with an absolute BANG as Tony, his wife and his son all sit in a restaurant eating onion rings and jamming out to "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.  Absent from the onion ring/Journey jam out is the daughter Meadow...because she is trying to park the car.  

    Take a few moments and watch the final scene from the series.  Even if you never watched an episode of The Sopranos it doesn't matter because this is all you need to know.

What...the...%$#@?!?!?!?

     Now, I wasn't into The Sopranos.  I actually stumbled upon this because of a Family Guy joke at the Emmy's one year.  I'm really glad I was never into the show because if I spent six years watching it for it to end like that I would have been pissed.  I do know plenty of people who watched it religiously and thought that in that final second their cable went out.  Nope....you just got mind fucked from HBO.  Merry Christmas.

      There are numerous, actually thousands of websites dedicated to the whole What Happened to Tony thing.  It really did end in such an epic way that it will forever be remembered as the best...and most frustrating...series finales of all time.  

WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED

  Did you notice the guy sitting at the diner repeatedly looking at the Soprano family as they nibbled on their onion rings?  

   Dude was seriously sketchy.  And this is my theory.  Anyone who has seen The Godfather knows the best way to hide a gun is in the bathroom for when you are gonna whack your enemy.  Oddly enough, in Italian Mobster fashion, the diner guy slips into the bathroom a few moments before Meadow opens the door and the screen turns black.  So could he have pulled a Michael Corleone and came out of the bathroom and shot Tony?   It is very well possible.  Unfortunately the creator of the show has vowed to take the answer with him to his grave.  Bastard.

    Then that leaves what happened to the rest of the family.  Perhaps the entire family got taken out by creepy jacket wearing diner guy.  But based on reading fans comments on the subject it is 99% a chance that dude came out of the bathroom and completely shot the hell out of Tony Soprano.  

Then stole his onion rings and nonchalantly returned to his seat...

since no one goes on exile to Sicily anymore.

Where the Hell is Constance's Fourth Child on American Horror Story?

   American Horror Story on FX has got to be the psychologically fucked up program on television since Buffy.  Every episode has a crazy ending and insane plot twist that makes you think in the end, "What the hell just effing happened?" It is sincere horror television at it's finest.  Not neccesarily because it has that whole sudden movement makes you jump thing but it messes with your head.

    Like getting impregnated by a dude in a rubber man suit

   The only problem with AHS is that it has a few missing plot points.  One of the biggest ones is what happened to Constance Langdon's fourth child. 
    Back story: One of the central characters, Constance Langdon (also one of the only living characters) had four children.  She mentions early on that out of the four only one of them was born without a deformity. Instead, the perfect one, Tate, is the quintessential definition of evil.  He went on a Columbine-esque shooting spree and was shot dead by SWAT teams and thus is going to be haunting The Murder House forever.  Thankfully, he has his Kurt Cobain looks to swoon the teenage girls that inhabit the house.

I smell like Teen Spirit.

  On the flipside of that, she had two other children.  Adelaide (Addie) and Beauregard.  Adelaide had down syndrome and Beauregard...well, look at him and you can decide what deformity he was cursed with.

Personally, I call it Holy Fuck Syndrome.

    So we know of those three children, who are all dead by the way.  Addie got hit by a car.  Tate was shot dead by SWAT, and Beauregard was smothered to death by his mother's love interest of that day.  If you came out of the womb of the creepiest senior citizen in prime time television, more than likely you are going to die if you haven't already.  Which raises the eternal question: Where is the fourth kid?

WHAT MAY HAVE HAPPENED:

   The fourth Langdon child was never spoken of, except for when Constance was explaining to the series protagonist that she had four children.  Then it was never spoken about again.  At all.  

    So let's say for argument sake Baby X died as well.  Probably got sucked into the Murder House and got eaten by the Infantata.  Now, if you do not watch AHS, Infantata is a Baby Frankestein who kills everything.  And it looks like this:

Come at me, bro!

      The child was probably just as grotesque as it's brother Beauregard.  I personally would hate to be part of Constance's gene pool.  Apparently her spawn, albeit for one came out with some sort of issue that doesn't go away.  Maybe for that reason the kid committed suicide and the pain is too hard for Constance to talk about.  Or then again, maybe the creators just decided that flaunting around three kids were enough.  Or maybe they just forgot about him.  Those neglectful douchebags.

   Yeah, television is known greatly for having hidden plot points and missing details and leaving loyal viewers in the dark.  There are plenty more examples, but I feel as though I have made my point for now.  Eventually, there will be a part two.  If I don't get eaten by a Frankenbaby first.